Jasmine Hart

I really liked this. The flow is great, your imagery is beautiful, and I love how you've expressed yourself.I especially loved; "Climax turned anti-climax. " and "copper to green". It's ...

Sonnet! Yay! I love sonnets! :) This is really great, I really enjoyed it. You handed the form really well, your imagery is brilliant, and you tell the stoy well. ...

I really like this, Lizzy. I'd cut 'my' before 'love"...I can't really explain why, just going with my instincts here... I'd get rid of the comma after "soon". I'd change ...

This is a really lovely piece. I love the flow and the rhyme, and the ending is great. I think the rhythm is a little off in places. Maybe try ...

The first line here is really great. I'm not sure that this really benefits from the rhyming scheme which you use. It seems to be a little restrictive in parts, ...

Oh wow. Liz, this is absolutely amazing. I really love it. It's so beautiful, and you express yourself so well.The flow is perfect and your imagery is wonderful. I especially ...

This was brilliant, Liz. So fresh and original. The format was really interesting and you used stream-of-conciousness to great effect. I especially loved; "so your eyes can become an oil-painting ...

Ya, I agree. Follow her, don't lead her. If you're having trouble seeing where she's going, maybe try character personality quizzes, like in the book by Ann and Eric Maisel, ...

The rhyme was really great here. I'm not so sure about the content though. It seemed a little emo-ish, and a lot of the time you were telling rather than ...

This is really great. The rhythm and sound is brilliant, and, as Clau said, the slant rhyme works excellently. If I'm being picky, I might suggest putting a one syllabyl ...

Hi khfan. Yes, I'm rewriting most of it, on the computer. Initially the whole first draft was handwritten but I typed it all up, virtually unaltered, at the start of ...

Thanks guys. That sounds like a plan aedomir, think I'll give that a shot!

Ok...it's the last day of January, so I figured this would be a good time to review my progress; 1) I've rewritten 16 pages of my novel...less than I would ...

The first and third haikus are very good. I'd say "his mouth" in the second line, as you're a syllabyl short. In the second line of the thrid haiku, you're ...

Waoh Via, this is really great. I really love it. I'm not sure about "slender back." It sounds a little odd...maybe "narrow" may work better?It's a tough one... I also ...